Unseen Wounds

There’s something pulling at me.

I feel like God is saying, “Go.”

But if I go, it feels like I’m going backward.

And that’s the part no one talks about.

We love testimonies about moving forward. Elevation. Promotion. New seasons. But what about when obedience looks like stepping down? Letting go? Returning to something you thought you already outgrew?

I feel fear.

Not just a little fear. The kind that makes you question yourself. The kind that makes you ask, “Is this God… or is this me running?”

Part of me feels relief at the thought of staying. Staying is familiar. Staying is safe. Staying doesn’t require explanation.

But another part of me feels regret just imagining not going.

And that’s what’s shaking me.

Because what if backward isn’t backward?

What if it’s positioning?

What if it’s pruning?

What if it’s protection?

Sometimes obedience doesn’t look like progress. Sometimes it looks like surrender.

And surrender is terrifying.

I don’t want to look foolish.

I don’t want to look unstable.

I don’t want to feel like I failed.

But I also don’t want to disobey.

So here I am — in between fear and faith.

Not confident.

Not certain.

Just listening.

Maybe courage isn’t the absence of fear.

Maybe courage is moving while your hands are shaking.

And maybe — just maybe — if God is really saying go…

He’ll meet me wherever I land.